Wednesday, 29 June 2011


...maybe food will help, food will help?

After my binge-like cravings started yesterday, I fought with them for a bit, blogged a little to distract myself, and then though 'eff it, I'm going downstairs and having a sandwich'. I figured at least the sandwich would fill me up and not be too bad for me (turkey and salad, using Kingsmill 50/50 bread), and then maybe I'd be satisfied enough to go to bed rather than EATING ALL THE THINGS. I was at the point where I decided if it meant going over calories than damn it, I'd have what I wanted and just go over. I was pleasantly surprised to find that it took my calories up to 1355, so I was still within my range, and was substantial enough that I could go upstairs again afterwards feeling somewhat satisfied.

I weighed myself the this morning and lo and behold, I'd lost overnight. Actually, I'd lost a little more overnight than I had the entire week.

Now, I don't want to go crazy and say 'right! that was it, I must EAT ALL THE THINGS!' because it's perfectly possible that the loss was a delayed reaction to eating strictly last week. However, my calorie range is 12-1400 and my logs show that I've mostly been on the bottom end of that (12-1250ish). I was higher yesterday, and have eaten higher today (around the 1350 mark again) to see what happens. I'm wasn't in starvation mode before or anything, I've been eating enough, but maybe 13-1400 is a better number for me, I don't know.

I'll see what the scale does the next few days. If it responds better to the slightly higher counts then that's something to consider. I don't want to freak out and change everything up for the sake on one weigh in (a weigh in that, I remember in my more sane moments, still showed a loss [however small]) when it could just of easily been a blip.

Monday, 27 June 2011

Feeling a binge coming on...

... so getting out of the kitchen. I'm uncomfortable from the mugginess and still disappointed about this morning. I want to eat, and it's not from hunger.

Food won't help.

Food won't help.

STSC Results - Week 3

I didn't have time to post this before work this morning, so I'm a little later in the day than usual, but here are the results:

Weight lost this week: 0.3kg (0.6lbs)
Total Challenge weight loss: 4.5kg (9.9lbs)

That's right, 0.3kg. The scale remained stubborn all week. I hoped in vain as I went to bed last night, that somehow the little whoosh I'd been hoping for would save the day at the last minute, but no.

The bad news is I was doing everything I should have been, and nothing I shouldn't, so there's no reason for me not to have lost a proper amount of weight. The good news is I have been doing everything I should be doing, and nothing I shouldn't, so there's no reason for me not to lose proper amounts of weight next time.

Angela Pea posted a timely link about plateaus and the scientific theory behind them, which (while not making the scale any less frustrating) made me feel a little better about it. Even if we don't know exactly what's going on, a plateau isn't arbitrary. There are reasons and it will start to move again.

One other good thing is that I was on plan all week. A lot of the time when we don't lose a lot/maintain/gain we can look back at our week and (if we're honest) see what the culprit was, in my case I know everything was fine. When I didn't see any change for my last post I was sure to be extra careful with things as my numbers were see-saw-ing a little, up and down. Posting a gain would have really dealt a blow to my motivation, so my diligence paid off in that respect. I had a weak moment a few days ago when a market find of some lovely cheap fresh cherries coincided with my 'baked and delicious' magazine subscription delivery, but after a bit of a struggle I realised baking could only lead to two outcomes:

a) bake. eat. cry.
b) bake. don't eat. sulk.

so for the sake of both the challenge and my mental health I decided against it.

Let it be noted that I will not be keeping my more positive attitude if I see no movement next week. Should that happen, I have a rather large tantrum building specially for the occasion.

Wednesday, 22 June 2011

The lament of the impatient

The scale, it is not moving.

It glares balefully at me every time I enter my bathroom, knowing what I've come for. Then again, if someone came over every time they woke up to stand on me, I probably wouldn't be too pleased to see them either. "Move! Move!" I tell it, but it doesn't deign to lower itself to my demands. If it were a cat, it would have stood up, stretched, made all the motions of looking like it was going to move, then sat down in exactly the same spot again, but with it's back to me. That's what it thinks of me.

I need to keep reminding myself it has only been two days since weigh in. I tend to not see movement for all of two seconds and go !Crazytown, when I could just as easily have nothing for a few days and then a whoosh with a bigger loss. I hate hate hate weeks when things stay the same (er, when I'm eating correctly that is) because it seems so unjustified, putting the effort in and not seeing numbers. I'm a 21st Century girl, I need immediate results!

Monday, 20 June 2011

STSC Results - Week 2

And the numbers are in!

Weight lost this week: 1.4kg (3lbs)
Total Challenge weight loss: 4.2kg (9.1lbs)

Looking back on this week I think thing could have gone a lot worse given that I had some bad cravings at times. The only day I'm a little disappointed at myself with is yesterday. I'd grabbed a bacon sandwich from one of the trucks as we walked around the boot sale because I was really hungry and hadn't had a chance to eat before we left. That isn't the best food, but it was delicious and the calories would have been fine because it was a combo of breakfast and lunch anyway. This was at about 11 o'clock, so far so good. But! Then we went home and dad decided to have Sunday dinner at about 2:30 because my sister had to leave to go back to Cardiff (she was visiting because of Father's Day). This leaves me with two problems because Sunday roasts are always a bit higher calorie anyway, but then there was no way I was going to last the rest of the day without eating and I had used up all my calories, so I ended up going over. This meant that instead of losing a little bit more (I was at 3.3lbs lost and was hoping I could get a little closer to 3.9, not likely I know, but being able to say 10lbs lost in 2 weeks would have been great!) I went up by a bit. Don't get me wrong, 3lbs is still a good loss, but I couldn't help but think I could have done better.

I'm hoping things will be easier over the next week as Aunt Flo has officially left the building, so I'm hoping for less cravings to deal with. My water was fine this week, and my calories were on target (bar yesterday of course). I walked to the supermarket on Thursday to get ingredients for my next batch of freezer meals, so I made my 10,000 steps goal on one of my days off, which is an unusual bonus for me. I normally exceed my steps when I'm working (5 days a week) and then don't sweat it on the two days I'm off because it all evens out.

Friday, 17 June 2011


What's the statute of limitations on a craving? Because I'm currently on day 5 of a major chocolate brownie/chocolate cupcake craving that's been driving me kind of crazy, and I'm going back and forth as to how damaging it would be to just eat the damn cake. Would the sugar make subsequent cravings worse? Or would satisfying the craving make things better? Welcome to my brain.

I've got the complete season 1-7 of Gilmore Girls on DVD, and decided recently to start a massive re-watch of the show (hence the sidebar). That's been great, but they are eating junk food every two seconds (damn them). I seem to be having random post-period cramps. Like, I was all finished, fine for a day, then had another day complete with all the cramps I missed before. It kind of sucks.

I have to be up for work in less than 6 hours, WHY AM I STILL UP?

Thursday, 16 June 2011

Food, Glorious, horrible food.

I was forced to give my body a stern tweeting to earlier so it would COOL IT ALREADY with the food cravings. I thought it was hunger, but now that it's 3am and I actually am hungry, I can see it was more me going 'eatnowcakeyesgoodfuneatNEEDCAKEeat'. The last few days have definitely been a slog when it comes to cravings, I hope that passes soon as it's getting me down a bit. I've managed to keep calories on track so far, but it's been close sometimes.

I ate the last portion of the chilli I had frozen (a lifesaver when I come out of work and am starving. Some days I only make it home without buying food because I know it's right there waiting), so I'm going to be spending my day off tomorrow walking the 3+ mile round trip to the supermarket for lentil/veg curry ingredients for the next freezer batch. At least, that's the plan. Hopefully the weather will cooperate. If it's chucking it down the way it was my last day off, I'll have to have a rethink.

Wednesday, 15 June 2011


I have an assessment day for a job I've applied for on the 7th of July, and I'm really nervous about it. One of the activities is a marketing presentation, I was having trouble getting prepared for it (was hitting a complete mental blank), but fortunately my dad's friend's wife is a marketing director, and was nice enough to have a look over the task. We had a chat and now I feel like I have a bit more direction, so that's made me feel much better. I still have to put the presentation together of course, but I have a basic idea what it will be about. Now there's just 4 other activities to freak out about!

I was about to write 'The scale hasn't moved since Tuesday [bitchmoanwhine]!' but then I realised it's only, er, Wednesday and perhaps a freak out about it is premature. TOM is still here, I'm hoping I'll see a drop tomorrow when it's gone.

Tuesday, 14 June 2011

Oooooh, THAT'S what that was...

(Possible TMI, feel free to press back: now)

One thing I always notice when I eat healthily is that the symptoms of my period become far less pronounced. I'm a little irregular, so I never know exactly when to expect my special little visitor, but there are the usual signs of an imminent arrival. You know the ones, heavy, achy, back pain, binging... (God, it's like the worst 7 dwarfs ever) so imagine my shock when I had to nip to the loo earlier and 'Oh, hello there'.

In retrospect, it may be an alternate explanation for my hating everyone and everything on Friday night, shortly followed by an averted binge (rather than, you know, me being a bitch). It also tell me that I weighed in this morning (er, yesterday technically at this point) on what traditionally is my heaviest day, and still lost just over 6lbs. It leaves me with hope that I may be able to see some movement on the scale next time, despite the curse of week 2.

I'm a huge romance reader, and have just finished Robin D. Owens' 'Heartmates of Celta' series. Anyone read it that can recommend anything similar I'd like? Help me update my sidebar people!

Monday, 13 June 2011

STSC Results - Week 1

Just a quick post because I have to get ready for work.

Weight lost this week: 2.8kg (6.1lbs)
Total Challenge weight lost: 2.8kg (6.1lbs)

I'm really pleased with how things went this week. I had a few times when I could have let go and gone off plan but I held on. On my days off steps were really low, but when I worked they were 15000+ so I say that evens out, and calories were on plan 5 days, one day I was under calorie and one I was 12 over.

Goals this week:

Keep drinking water
Up fruit and veg intake
Stay within calorie range 7/7

Sunday, 12 June 2011

The results are (almost) in

It's results day tomorrow for the first week of the challenge and I'm excited to see what the final number is. I'm hoping I can shave a tiny bit more off the number I saw this morning, but I'll have to see. I'm working tomorrow so will have to get up (rather than not setting the alarm and waking up whenever like I do on days off), so I'm going to try and get a reasonable amount of sleep tonight. One thing I really notice is that the scale hates it when I haven't slept enough, and while it's not a 'real' number as it were, I don't want to see an upswing.

I've drank so much water today I'm amazed I haven't floated away. Over 3 litres (100oz) but I'm still weirdly thirsty, I'm not sure what's brought it on. Calories are currently at the 1270 mark and I'm feeling a little hungry, but it's 11pm so I'm leaving it at that and going to try sleeping through until breakfast. Late night eating is one of my major downfalls. My step-mum called me about half an hour ago to see if I wanted to have a curry take-away with dad and her, they were ordering it right then, but fortunately I said no and have stayed up in my room (a couple of floors up from the kitchen) so I don't have to smell it. steps were extremely low (more so than usual for a non-work day) because it's been raining all day so I haven't been out anywhere.

My plan for tomorrow is have a big breakfast before work, then a snack afterwards so I can make it through to dinner with the family. I'll actually be on the shop floor 1130-1530, which is an awkward time when it comes to planning a lunch somewhere, a snack on the go should do.

Saturday, 11 June 2011

Now I lay me down to sleep

I have a day off tomorrow, and not a moment too soon! It was so. busy. today at work. It was a combination of it being a Saturday and us starting a new sale, but the place was packed and we were short-staffed. When things finally quieted down about half an hour before we closed, the whole collection department I was working on was completely trashed. It was like a plague of shopping locusts had descended; packs of duvet covers falling from shelves, towel piles destroyed, cushions all over the floor. I sped around and fixed the sections I had time to, but the girl on the overnight shift is going to have her work cut out for her.

The busyness meant that by the time we closed I was aching, tired, and completely not in the mood for the imbalance in my cash count that took 20 minutes to sort out, making me miss my train. I tried to ring home for the 4th time to wish my grandad a happy birthday but my mum was STILL not picking up her phone so I didn't get to speak to him. The weather has taken a cooler turn the last few days, so I was huddled into my trench-coat on my walk to the train station, knowing that I was going to be sitting there for another 45 minutes, generally hating the world.

There's a cafe in the station and all I wanted to do was go in, order a hot chocolate and eat an enormous iced apricot danish. It was all I wanted to do. Fuck the world and eat a danish.

I didn't in the end, I forced myself over the bridge to my platform and sat there in the cold with my kindle. I do this weird thing sometimes, when I'm trying to diet (or doing well on a diet), where I 'test' myself. Where I go into the supermarket and stand in the confectionery aisle for a while, or go into a fast food place to order a salad, just to... prove I can, I guess. I put myself in temptations way just so I can say no. Except then, sometimes I can't. So, I very briefly considered going in to the cafe and ordering a cup of tea, before telling myself that I was being an idiot, and realising that sometimes the better part of valour is spending an hour in a bitchy huff rather than stuffing my face. I don't know how much of this was brought on by the fact that the it was closing in 10 minutes, so I'd have had to sit in the cold anyway, stewing over the knowledge that I'd eaten at minimum of half a day's worth of calories. When I finally got home I defrosted one of my bean chilli portions and had that for tea instead. When it didn't quite satisfy, I had a bowl of bran flakes (it was one of those nights when I didn't want to feel 'not hungry', I wanted to feel 'full'). It pushed my calories something like 12 over the upper limit of my range, but given the alternative I passed by, I'm not thinking of it as a fail. Dad's hot cross buns were smelling pretty damn good at that point though, and I could see the potential for things to go downhill real fast, so I got out of the kitchen and went upstairs.

I'm warm in bed now, with some stand up comedy on TV in the background, and I can sleep-in in the morning because I have no plans. All of which automatically gives tomorrow a much better chance of being awesome.

Thursday, 9 June 2011


Man, I am tired.

I had one of those nights last night where you toss and turn in bed, but never really drop off properly., leaving me running on only a couple of hours by the time work rolled around this morning. I'm only part time, so I usually work 20 hours a week (split into 5 four hour shifts). This week we have a sale on, so I did 10-1830 today, will do 09-1730 tomorrow, and (because I'm an idiot and didn't check the longer shifts I was already doing when I agreed to it) 1220-2020 Saturday. It's left me with an interesting dilemma re: lunches too, because the 5 four hour shifts I usually do means that I tend to eat before I go and when I come home, rather than take food with me.

I managed this morning by getting up half an hour early to make a couscous salad, and having a good breakfast (egg whites on wholemeal toast, with a bit of left over salad from dinner on the side), but my it means my protein is way down. I need to get some food stuff in so I can figure out reasonably low calorie ideas that will stay with me until I get home.

My pedometer said I walked around 20,700 steps today, which I very much doubt. Realistically (looking at how much I do in a normal shift v. my hours today) I'd say 13-15,000 is probably closer to the mark, but that's still a good number and makes up for the sedentary day off yesterday.

Well, better not ramble, I need to go downstairs and see what I can scrounge for lunch tomorrow, and make a list of 'quick pick' proteins to buy in town after work, before bed gets too comfy to climb out of.

Wednesday, 8 June 2011

I was feeling majorly hungry around midnight last night. I was already at about 1260 calories though, and I didn't want to go over, so I made myself stay in my room. It sounds silly, but if I had gone downstairs I would have mooched around the kitchen looking for something to eat, and that would have led to (in a worse case scenario) a binge, or (in a best case) going over calories. It was hard, I didn't think I was going to be able to sleep, but it calmed down after about an hour and a half. I had to distract myself (any twitter followers would have just seen my tweet: hungryhungryHUNGRYhungry) with other things to do, but I'm glad I managed it this time. It would have been depressing if I had had a blow-out this early on.

It's gone 12 and I'm still lying in bed (score one for my day off), but I've been surprisingly productive so far, having fixed a problem with my magazine subscription, bought my sister's birthday present, and spoken to my mum for my granddad's one.

Well, I suppose I should really get up. I woke to sound of rain pelting my window earlier, but it seems to have stopped now so I may go for a walk later? I haven't decided yet.

Tuesday, 7 June 2011

These boots are made for walking

I ended up buying a pedometer on eBay after my last post, and it arrived today! So fast! I got a weight-watchers one (despite the fact I don't actually follow WW) because I was hoping the name might mean it was a good product. Sadly, it's not as accurate as I'd like, I think it's a little too sensitive, so it's counting more steps then I'm actually doing. To counteract the problem I'm aiming for 15,000 steps a day (which I've done today) so I know for sure that I've made the minimum 10,000. It should do the job, but I wish I could just know exactly. That being said, it's my day off tomorrow so my step count is probably going to be really low.

I'm probably going to be going the cinema with my dad tomorrow (aah Orange Wednesday), we both want to see the new X-Men film. I've got to figure out what to get my dad for Father's Day on the 19th, argh - he's so hard to buy for! It's a bit of a present week actually, it's my granddad's and my sister's birthday next week too. It's going to be expensive, but at least I know pretty much what I'm getting for the birthdays.

Sunday, 5 June 2011

Slimmer this Summer

I'm looking to try and lose some weight so I'm going to be starting the Slimmer this Summer challenge. I'm not doing anything over the top, just trying to get myself back into the good habits that I know make me feel better.

The challenge starts tomorrow, so for the record my goals are:

Keep calories at 12-1400 a day
Drink 8 glasses of water a day
Try and get a min. of 5 fruit/veg a day
Stop buying unhealthy food while at work

I'm not setting any exercise goals at the moment, I walk to/from the train station 5 days a week for my work commute, and I can't sit down at my job, so I'm getting my minimum in. I am toying with the idea of getting a pedometer to check how much I'm actually doing though, it may be less than I think. I'll have a look through Amazon and see how much a good one will set me back.